“Bastard! He almost ran me over!” I shouted indignantly. Then I looked around. “Oh.”
I was standing on fluffy white clouds, surrounded by light. In front of me was a pair of golden gates. I was wearing a white robe – a flattering white robe – and… I had wings. Cool.
OK, by now I had worked out that that car hadn’t missed me. I walked up to the man by the gates. St Peter. He looked up and did a double take.
“Ah, yes, Miss Meldanz. We’ve been expecting you.”
“So… I get into heaven, right?” I asked. I wasn’t surprised; I’d always done my best to be kind and compassionate.
“Not so fast. Let’s check the sins.” He opened a large book. “Sloth… no, you’ve always been quite energetic. Envy… no, seems not. Pride… a little, but usually justified and well within the accepted levels. Greed… no, material wealthy doesn’t matter much to you. You like your luxuries, but again, within acceptable levels.”
He kept glancing up to look at me, but I was used to that from men. Lets not mess about; I’m stunning. Silky red hair, a to-die-for face, perfectly sized breasts, a flat stomach and a firm ass. OK, I’m arrogant, but ‘within acceptable levels’. And it was nice to know even a saint found me hot.
“Gluttony – obviously not with that figure. Wrath… a just a few catty remarks.” He looked up and smiled. “Only one more sin. Your prospects are looking pretty good.”
I beamed. I was a good girl.
“Lust…” He paused. Blinked. Took of his glasses, cleaned them and put them back on. Turned a page. Turned another page. And another. Finally, he looked up.
“You slept with how many men?!”
I blushed. OK, maybe I wasn’t that good a girl. I mean, there’d been a few guys… OK, I’d been having frequent sex for a decade, and never had what you might call a long term boyfriend. So, yeah, it was a lot of guys, especially for a girl only in her early twenties. Girls, to.
“I’m sorry, but we can’t overlook this kind of wanton lustfulness. Down you go.”
I was about to protest, but he waved his hand and I found myself plummeting, and blacked out. |