It had started as soon as Watson and Crick discovered the first accurate model of DNA in 1953. The idea of genetically engineering new and different creatures had filled… certain members of the human condition with wonderful and strange ideas. It was simple. We wanted to play God.
Of course, we could only do so much on our own. Funding scientists through small shell companies, we hastened the completion of the Human Genome Project, completed in 2003, and, to be honest, stole a lot of research.
Strangely, our goals had changed over the years. They began simple enough. We wanted immortality, or at least a longer lifespan, neither of which could have been achieved until long after the founders of our operation were dead. We did manage to expand longevity somewhat, pushing our healthy, productive years into the hundred-and-twenties, but after that there was a sharp decline before death. A few of our own researchers tried to escape our little island laboratory at that point, perhaps recalling that, according to Hebrew Scriptures, we could only live one hundred and twenty years. Getting cold feet certainly ended their lives quickly, slain by a vicious tree creature that had accidentally gotten loose in the surrounding jungles. Some eccentric idiot, an early radical Green that we coerced – i.e. blackmailed and threatened – had somehow – we never found out how, he destroyed his notes and files before escaping and getting killed in the jungle by the same creatures he had created – created a meat-eating plant. After that, the rat population dropped like a rock.
That might have been the beginning of the change. Oh, we still had projects bent on improving the human condition, a few of which we have leaked out to the general public – we’re not completely amoral – but, the focus moved to animal kingdom. Of course, someone was bound to ask why – we’re don’t do that too much, after all, we like living in our own little world without restrictions – and the few of us still on the island – old age had caught up with a number of us – held a conference to determine where the possible research could lead and what purposes they would serve. For some strange reason, security had been lax and that allowed us to research whatever we wanted and some very odd projects were brought out of the closet. A few of the scientists were released into the jungle after complaining too much when they’re experiments on biological warfare were nixed. As I said, we’re not evil and we have no plans to take over the world. We just want to see where our creative juices – no pun intended – could take us and we did not want various military organizations storming all over our little island. International attention would not be good for us, not now, not ever. Too be honest, we didn’t mind what they were doing too much, but those particular scientists weren’t even making an effort to create vaccines for their deadly little bugs.
I know, we certainly to tend to gather a diverse lot of opinions from among the global population. Perhaps we should have begun to screen applicants previously, but there were only so many who were willing to disappear from society at large in those days. Even then, there were people who wanted to wipe the whole of humanity away and let the Earth start fresh.
Personally, if they want us all dead, they should lead by example and take the first step of the cliff.
At that point, we really had to recruit some more scientists, for new ideas and fresh blood. I was a child prodigy at the time and decided to join up at the grand age of eighteen, fresh with several advanced degrees in genetics, molecular biology, and biochemistry. Everyone expected great things of me, but I wanted to go off and have some time to find myself. Naturally, I was excited by the idea of a research facility on a secluded tropical island with white sandy beaches and palm trees – they neglected to mention the carnivorous, stalking trees. So, I signed up, forgetting that, if there were any women on the island, they would be scientists. True, scientists do get horny – I can attest to that – but, they get so wrapped up in their projects they forget about the rest of the world and social skills diminish in that particular context, leading to hurt feelings and anger when intentions are misread or missed. Every nerd in the world can attest to that.
What do you think makes them nerds? It’s not the interest in issues that are non-compliant with mainstream, conformist ideals, but the inability to truly, honestly communicate with their peers who are really, freaking judgmental. Teenagers.
Yeah, I’m opinionated. So?
Right, I need to get to the project I became involved with.
So there I was, all of eighteen and alone on an island with old fuddy-duddies, top-of-the-line research equipment – I swear, we must have bought stock in Dell or something –, a small security force – all big, burly homosexual men. How that happened, I don’t know. – and the carnivorous plants – yeah, I know I should stop going on about them – that we fed with our living experiments that needed to be put out of their misery. Hey, the plants need to eat too and this way, we can try to domesticate them. Maybe. They do seem to enjoy feeding time. Or so I’m told. I saw it once and I was sick for a week afterwards. Thank goodness that rejected project was bovine in nature and not human. I might have jumped afterwards and joined the meal.
So, enough of the carnivorous plants – for now anyway – and on to my project. As I was saying, I was an eighteen-year-old young man – for at least ten years, which really sucked. I started in on the longevity treatments as soon as possible. Big mistake. – and horny as hell with no release other than the occasional stroke session. I’m a scientist as well, remember? Now anthropomorphism had been floating around for some time, you know, mixing animal and human traits to create a hybrid – I won’t go into the technical details behind the mad science or I’d bore you to tears – and a few had been successful. We even have a nice colony of myconid-hippopotami that lives in small series of caverns beneath our complex that feeds on our, well, you-know. They’re doing quite well. They don’t overproduce like humans do and help clean up, generally dying of old age and the occasional desperately hungry carnivorous plant.
Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. But, on a side note, the carnivorous plants aren’t very intelligent and, luckily, they can’t seem to learn that the myconid-hippopotami are poisonous. It kind of helps that the meat-eating trees won’t get back to their colony in the jungle since they die in seconds and turn into food for the myppos.
Myppo – a myconid-hippopotami and don’t you forget it! We love those big guys. I think we have a very nice painting of the team that created them around here someplace and a bust of the team leader as well.
Boy, I sure do seem to digress a lot. Well, I’m telling the story here, so I can digress as much as I want. Nyeah.
Anyway, I wanted some female attention, so I gathered together information from all the previous anthropomorphism projects – if you get bored reading all this, try counting how many times I use anthropomorphism – to see if I could come up with something to alleviate my needs.
Yes, I was looking into ‘furries.’ So? There’s really nothing wrong with them. Basically, all they are humans with fur, tails, and ears, dependent on the animal species. Obviously, some other traits come out, such as antlers and hooves. Would you believe that one of our number managed to create a unicorn hybrid? Took him his whole life to get it right. It was too bad he only had one night with the filly, but his heart gave out on him. He was old and no longer had the stamina of a teenager.
I know I’m old now as well, but I appear to be in my mid-twenties and have the stamina to prove it. With luck, I’ll be able to push one-eighty. I really joined at the right time. Immortality may never happen – probably a good thing, considering the fertility of the human condition – but, we’ve really improved a good number of functions on the species.
Maybe I’ll go down and visit Epona. I heard she’s been pretty lonely lately.
This would probably be a good place to note that not all anthropomorphic (this word counts!) creatures are bipedal. Epona is the only bipedal equine-human hybrid we’ve managed to create. It’s probably because her creator used pony stock instead of true horses. However, her children – she’s also one of the few who can cross-breed – are all quadrupeds. Most are throwbacks to the human side, resembling the mythical centaur, but there is the occasional scion that is more ‘horse.’ After enough generations, we think we may get an actual unicorn from myth. Think of the money we could make!
By now, you must be wondering how large this island really is, especially since we keep out intruders. It is a good size with an extensive cavern system beneath the isle that even reaches below the neighboring sea.
Incidentally, at one time we thought of outsourcing our security force to a possible canine-bovine mix with just a touch of human, but we decided against it. That would require a good amount of independent thought in the creatures and we really don’t need them asking questions. A few of the creatures – and there is a good number of them, they have just as much right to live as we do – have taken up spirituality within their hidden grottoes beneath the dark earth.
We’ve also come up with some fungi that can give off light similar to the sun. I’m not talking phosphorescence here. It really is like the sun! It gives off the photons necessary for terrestrial plant life to proliferate beneath the surface.
Hey, to you, this is science fiction. Besides, I never told you what here it was or ever will. Nyeah.
But, this particular story is about my first ‘furry.’ I actually get the credit for her creation, even though a lot is based on previous research. I was just the first to create a humanoid with superficial animalistic features. This means that the internal organs were human.
Someone is bound to point out that creating a human-like creature is bound to have at least near-human intelligence. This is true. There are also a few that are more intelligent than humans. Any one of these particular individuals receives an explanation and an education. Again, we may be mad scientists, but we still have to live with ourselves, and when you live longer than a century, that’s a long time to carry guilt.
You might say I’m contradicting my earlier statement where we don’t want to encourage questions. We don’t, not in the dumb ones at least. Those are the ones that go out to live in the wild. We check on them periodically to make sure they’re doing all right, but we don’t force them to live the way we would want them to.
Try explaining that to the next fervent ism-idiot you meet.
Additionally, we don’t want them to think of us as gods. I do believe there is a Creator as well a number of others. In essence, I’m more of a Deist.
Kind of makes you wonder how we all came about, doesn’t it? Perhaps the Creator was just checking in on us as Christ and had to educate us on a number of things to correct certain behaviors that were occurring. Notice, He led by example.
That’ll probably piss off a good number of people. Well, if I do, just remember that I am opinionated and that I can still be proven wrong. Nothing will be written in stone until the Second Coming so you can hate me if you want. I don’t care. Heck, have fun with it. Revile me on national television. Burn me in effigy. You just won’t find me. I’m on an island that no one ever thinks about. So there. Nyeah.
Well, this just about ends the time I have available for the beginning of this work. I have a few other things to do, aside from writing my memoirs. I am a scientist, remember? |