As you wake up, your head feels like someone cracked you with a sledgehammer. A quick glimpse at the clock does nothing. Your eyes are too blurry from your hangover to focus in on the flashing red numbers. You close your eyes to fall back asleep. But it doesn’t work. Now that you’re up, you’ve got the sudden urge to pee. The trip to the bathroom is short but eventful. As hard as you try not to, you still manage to bump into ’s bed. Given your current state, you can tell that she is at the least, as bad off as you are. Expecting to hear an extreme amount of cursing and swearing, you prepare to apologize for disturbing her, but to your surprise, her verbal assault never comes. You slowly turn your head and slightly open your eyes and look at her sheets. To your hung over surprise, you do not see her in her bed.
“Must be on the couch. Poor girl!” You say.
You make your way to the bathroom and take what has to be the longest piss of your life. While you are draining your bladder, you can’t help but wonder about the amount of alcohol you drank last night. You also wonder about where the hell got herself to. When you are finished in the bathroom, you stumble to the kitchen and grab the aspirin and pop a couple to help get rid of the headache. Once you are finished there you head back to bed. You pull the covers up over top of you and try to drift off to sleep again. However, you cannot seem to find a comfortable position, you roll over onto your side. That’s when you notice the body lying next to you.
“Hmm. I don’t remember finding her.” You say in a raspy voice. The body next to you stirs slightly. You lift the sheets to take a look at this mystery guest. She is completely naked.
“Nice legs, nice ass! I hope I was good.” You exclaim as you close your eyes again. That’s when it hits you.
“Wait a minute. I didn’t go out last night. I was here with… all night.” A feeling of dread comes over you as you realize just who this drunk, naked woman is.
“OH SHIT!!! What the fuck did we do?” You mutter in a drunken, panic-stricken voice. Not wanting it to be true, you lift the sheets again. Sure enough, there is a full head of red hair on this woman. Acting with a boldness you don’t really feel, you slightly brush her hair aside, still praying that this beautiful woman is not who you already know it is. A feeling of absolute guilt and horror fills you when you see ’s face come into view.
“FUCK ME!!!” You shout. This wakes up and she is hit with the same heavy head that you had experienced just a few moments ago.
what the hell is your problem?” She asks you in a voice that is too horrible to describe. “If I weren’t hung over right now, I’d kick your ass for making so much noise.”
“You’re probably gonna kick my ass anyway when you sober up and realize that we’ve got a big problem here.” You tell her nervously.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” She asks.
“Being hung over isn’t the only thing we have in common right now girl.” You say.
“Huh?” Is all can muster.
“Right now, we’re also both naked and lying in my bed.” You tell her as you prepare for some form of violent reaction.
“What are you saying?” She mumbles.
“I think we got drunk and had sex last night !” You break it to her plainly, as she’s too hung over for the sugarcoated version.
“So you’re the one who pounded me. For a moment, I thought I fucked a rhinoceros last night. I’m fucking sore down there.” says in a voice that matches yours. Then, just as you were, is floored by who she is talking to.
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