"We'd love to come in" said Stuart, not giving Gary a chance to respond. "Gary was talking the whole way over here about how he couldn't wait to see you again!"
Gary shot a dirty look at Stuart, but Laura didn't notice. She was beaming from ear to ear as she held the door open and motioned for the guys to enter. Stuart returned Gary's look with a wink and patted his condom-filled pocket.
"Well, I've just moved in, and I'm still trying to get organized," said Laura. "As you can see, I don't have a lot of stuff yet, so I'm trying to be creative about how I present it."
"Don't sell yourself short, Laura," said Stuart, with an undisguised stare at her breasts. "You've got just the right amount of stuff, and you present it PERFECTLY."
Gary shook his head and rolled his eyes. Stuart definitely did not suffer from an abundance of tact. Of course, it seemed to work for him. He had seen more girls -- and guys, for that matter -- fall under his seductive charms. Of course, he had also seen him get cussed out, slapped, and even threatened with a knife, too, so it had its trade-offs.
Laura laughed and said, "Gary, why didn't you tell me you had such a charming friend?"
"Oh, he's a real charmer, alright," responded Gary. "By the way... You might want to make sure that all wives, mothers, daughters, and paraplegic nuns stay under lock and key until he takes his charms out of here."
Stuart pretended to look offended. "Dude! You WOUND me! I gave up paraplegic nuns last summer!" Turning to Laura, he explained, "They're bad for my cholesterol. Now, if you have any Oriental football players who don't suffer from jock itch, that's another story."
Laura thought that was hilarious and laughed so hard that she snorted. Embarrassed, she covered her mouth and tried to control herself.
"Nothing to be embarrassed about, Laura," said Stuart. "Gary makes that same noise when he has an orgasm. Oh, but I imagine you know that, huh?"
Laura took a moment to compose herself while Gary punched Stuart in the shoulder. "Um... No, I didn't know that. I haven't had the pleasure. Have you?"
"You haven't heard the Orgasma-snort yet? Or, as we like to call it, the, 'Oh yeah... I'm so close ... I'm gonna -- Ohhhh SNORT!'"
Gary sat down, throwing his hands in the air as Stuart dramatically acted out a mind-blowing orgasm. Laura collapsed on the sofa in laughter, snorting three more times in the process.
"Oh... A three-snorter! Gary, she sounds like you when you went out with the Deveron triplets."
"Ok... Enough with the fairy tales, Mr. Comedian," said Gary, trying to regain control of the situation.
Between laughter, Laura asked, "Did you really date triplets at one time?"
Gary opened his mouth to explain that it was all part of Stuart's perverted imagination, but Stuart jumped in and said, "Did he ever! By the time they finished their night of passion, Gary's Orgasma-snorts succeeded in summoning ten pigs and a hearing-impaired sheep."
That sent Laura off into another round of laughter, and even Gary had to admit that was pretty funny and joined in, himself.
Finally calming down, Laura wiped the tears from her eyes and said, "You never answered my question, Stu... Have you personally heard the Orgasma-snort?"
Gary braced himself for Stuart's answer. True or make-believe, it was likely to send the conversation off in a whole different direction, and somehow he didn't think Bernie would approve.
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